The Nebulous Darkness of Voldemort's Eternal Soul
by Xoom
Summary: In which the Dark Lord questions the worth of his life.


It always sucked so bad when their brains sizzled after the avada kadavra curse. Occassionally, Voldy would shout the words, and there would be no result but a stunned and surprised expression. And the dead part. But really, Voldy would liked the tall, dead, and silent types of corpses. Not when the brains went all sizzly.

although, the sizzly did seem to turn bellatrix on. not that voldy cared about her; she kinda smelled bad and was crazy.

Voldy prodded krum's sizzly brain with the end of his wand.

"Ewww," Madame rosmerta said.

"I know," answered Voldy, "It's not every day you see one with fuzzy goo that sprouts out their ears."

"He must've been a rabbi," snorted Bellatrix. She had, of course, tagged along.

Madame Rosmerta and voldy shared a knowing look. Voldy held his nose. Rosmerta snorted and said, "Silly rabbi. Kicks are for trids."

"Heee! heee heee heehahahaha!" Wormtail snorted with laughter.

"It wasn't that funny," bellatriz snarled. "can i kill hime?"

Voldy waved his hand in a an off hand manner.

Wormtail fell down and began to writhe and twist on the floor. "WHAT DID YOU DO??" shriekd Rosmerta. Voldy just snorted and said, "Don't mind him. He just does tha tnormally." "Shut up Moldy." muttered Bellatrix. The Dark Lord glared. "The nickname... is VOLDY." he uttered in dangerous tones. "C-c-c-can't. Ss-ss-sstop. wr-wr-writhing." stuttered wormtail.

Rosmerta looked highly distressed. this was -not- what she had signed up for when she joined the death eaters.

"T-t-there i-is another s-s-skywa--"

"no. just no." bellatrix kicked wormtail in the spleen. twice.

Wormtail fell down and began to writhe and twist on the floor. "WHAT DID YOU DO??" shriekd Rosmerta. Voldy just snorted and said, "Don't mind him. He just does tha tnormally." "Shut up Moldy." muttered Bellatrix. The Dark Lord glared. "The nickname... is VOLDY." he uttered in dangerous tones. "C-c-c-can't. Ss-ss-sstop. wr-wr-writhing." stuttered wormtail.

Rosmerta looked highly distressed. this was -not- what she had signed up for when she joined the death eaters.

"T-t-there i-is another s-s-skywa--"

"no. just no." bellatrix kicked wormtail in the spleen. twice.

"Guys, we've got to get going on this stupid plan!" shouted Frodo. "He's write..." whispered Voldy, staring off into the distance. If only he had brought his iPod, all of this could be watched as if itw ere a silent movie. Perhaps Bellatrix would be the damsel in distress... legolas could be charlie chaplin. wormtail could be a strange break dancer on the ground, failing to do the worm.

"Stop kicking him! You're disgusting!" rosmerta said to bellatrix. bellatrix flipped her off and crossed her arms.

"guys! can we just do this? i need to get back home in time to watch the oc." frodo said.

"you watch the oc?" voldy asked mournfully. he used to watch the oc on his ipod...

wormtail stopped twitching. he did, however, begin to froth at the mouth, much like krum's brain.

"All right, since you won't take the leadership position," Frodo snapped at emo-Voldy, "Then I will. As they say, even the smallest person ca—"

"Oh shut it, you!" Bellatrix cut in, "Just because you're so small and curly headed doesn't mean—" "AS I WAS saying, we've really got to—" Frodo began. "I was talking--" "Who gives a damn?" Rosmerta took a swig of fire whiskey.

wormtail curled slowly into a fetal position. voldy thought he looked dead.

"No, listen, if we can just get the puppy to--"

"I miss dumbledore. he knew how to have fun. unlike you people." voldy pouted at them.

rosmerta offered him the fire whiskey.

he took a swig and then tried to sculpt an iPod out of krum's fuzzy ear froth. but alas, the spat between frodo and bellatrix had arrived at its apex. bellatrix took a spray can from her pocket, and waved it in front of frodo's blue eyes. "you don't know what this is… do ya?" she whispered. frodo snorted "your barbossa impression sucks. and i can read. it says 'random-hobbit-be-gone."

"...random hobbit be gone?! what are you going to--"

As bellatrix pressed the...nozzle...wormtail lunged toward frodo and grabbed his legs.

"Take me with yooooou," he screamed.

they both disappeared.

bellatrix looked highly pleased with herself.

rosmerta looked drunk.

voldy looked emo. in fact, (rosmerta noticed through her drunken haze) his black jeans appeared to be shrinking… his skin paling to an even more ghostly shade, and his eyes fading from blood red to a depressing blue. "I feel so.. alone…" he whispered to himself. Although he could have said, "Aye, feed solo." With all the alcohol in her veins, Rosmerta really couldn't tell the difference.

"smells like cancer. anyone got a light" bellatrix ran a shaking hand through her hair. voldy had made her quit. said it gave him hives. the bastard.

Rosmerta giggled.

"moldyyy"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT YOU BITCH! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEEE!" voldy screamed. he frantically began to try to cut his wrist with his wand, but he had no blood, so it was not working. bellatrix snorted. "you'll give yourself splinters."

"ew. cutter germs." Rosmerta toppled off in the general direction of the local gay bar.

"can i go home now?" bellatrix found the lack of senseless murder boring and unsexy.

"No! you have to stay here and watch my stereotypical behaviour! you have toooooo."

"...you are -so- lame. I'm deserting to potter's side, mmkay?"

"Yeah, s'okay." voldy whispered. the senselessness of life caused him to stare at the puppy on the ground before him, waiting next to krum's dead body. "what are you looking at, canine?" voldy dissolved into emo-acid, leaving the pup alone with the corpse. at this new twist, the puppy frantically took out his copy of the Plot Line, and began to search. what was he here for again?

"we were gonna use you do seduce harry potter. or...eat him or something. look, i'm on the other side now, so you can either come with me and help or i can gut you, cut off your ears, and break your face." She really really wanted him to choose the second option.

the puppy thought carefully. "can i choose option 3?" said the puppy. "NO!" screeched Bellatrix. " I'M GONNA CUT YOUR EAR—" "Now now, that's not very nice, is it?" said young Gandalf (or was it dumbledore..) entering from stage left. "gasp!" gasped bellatrix. "i guess it's not is it?" "no. it's not." said dumbledalf. bellatrix fell in love with gandledore, and they lived happily ever after.

it was beautiful, really. without their leader, lord voldy, the death eaters quickly killed themselves off. THe most notable case being avery, when he ate his own self.

it really worked out for everyone. except voldemort, who was dead, and frodo who was somewhere with wormtail.

and ron. when he was forced to marry draco malfoy.

to save the world.

their love child was beautiful, as well, though. it had silvery blonde hair and freckles. it had a million boyfriends and girlfriends, though no one could tell exactly what gender it was.


End file.
